i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
