cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
