Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
