I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
