On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
