I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
