I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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