how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
