Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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