i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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