Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
