you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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