Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
