I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
