4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
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