I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Randomize
