I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
