Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize