Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
