Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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