Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
