seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Randomize
