Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
