i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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