There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize