just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
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