are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
