it's not cheating when I paid for it
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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