Already got asked if we're dating
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
