nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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