We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Drunk is not a location!
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
