Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
