I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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