i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize