It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
