So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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