Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
