the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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