Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
