a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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