Im at strip club and am horny
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
