A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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