My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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