I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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