i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
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