i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize