capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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