did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
