You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
