cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
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