the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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