What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
