when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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