there's paper in my vomit.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize