I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
