Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
