I molested 6 butterflies tonight
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
