i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I wish you could order shots online.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
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