You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
There's always time for handjobs
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
