i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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