i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
time to smoke my breakfast
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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