My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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