Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Randomize
