sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
