Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
