i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
