You made me cry and you don't even care
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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