But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize