If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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