When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Ambien. No doubt about it.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
