i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
