okay pat passed out under dana's car
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
