Don't make out with my wife yet
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
