for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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