Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize