what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
me + whiskey = a bad person
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
