He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
