I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
There r osticjed everywhere
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I'm really busy with my period
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
