Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
