I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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