Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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