I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
