Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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