I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize